exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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