did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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