Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
