I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
