i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
