Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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