Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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