maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
