I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
