Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize