Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
