Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
