It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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