there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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