ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
