what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
