Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
