it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
