I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
