That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This baby is an asshole
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
