Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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