4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
