You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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