Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
