he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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