Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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