plz talk dirty to me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
