i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
