Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
