I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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