Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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