Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
