His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
