Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
