Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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