I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize