Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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