I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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