i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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