her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
