He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
