I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize