Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
