It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
