one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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