I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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