And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
