I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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