she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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