well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
