"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
