oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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