My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
