Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize