"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
