it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
