I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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