Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
