i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
