Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
