She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
