im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
