matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
