C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
