im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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