brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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