And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
