And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
