Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
