There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
