He had one of those small greek statue penises
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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