Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
