when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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