I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize