Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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