So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
