while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
