so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
