Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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