I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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