I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
