New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
