My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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