I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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