I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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