he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize