You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
