like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
