It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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