I want to make a zoo with you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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