Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
