if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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