On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
