i need an iv and a liver transplant
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
