Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
