woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize