Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
