Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
