the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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