The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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