Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
